A Prayer to the Period Gods Not to Get My Period on Race Day

Oh Dear Period Gods:

I know I am almost 50, deeply perimenopausal, and I have no right to expect my period to arrive when my FitBit says it will.

You may be aware that I have been experiencing cramps for a few days and was sure I was getting it on Monday.

Did I mention my FitBit told me I was to get my period yesterday?

Last month it was a week early. This early period thing only started a few months ago. Before that, I was like clockwork.

The fun thing about perimenopause is that I could be experiencing all of the symptoms and I may not actually bleed this month. You just don’t know. It’s all kind of a guessing game.

To be honest, I didn’t see myself still getting them at all at this point of my life. My Mom had a hysterectomy at 35 and my sister started perimenopause much earlier. Knowing this and that I started my period exactly one month after my eleventh birthday, I figured it would have ended by now. I won’t get into the years of pain and misery which seems slightly a waste when I didn’t end up having children. But, I digress.

Oh Period Gods (Lilith? Zara? Esther?), I am running a half marathon on Sunday.

The last thing I need on race day is to worry about stabbing cramps, feeling like my uterus is going to fall out of my body or having to change a tampon in a Port-a-Potty.

I haven’t been on the Pill in years, so I can’t just keep taking pills to avoid getting my period on race day. If that were the case, it would be a useful strategy, since the days leading up to my period always affect my energy levels and athletic performance.

If I get my period, pretty much NOW, I’ll be in the prime part of my cycle on Sunday, right after I get my period, once the pain and cloudiness have subsided, where I have optimal energy levels.

So, dear Period Gods, I know you may have much more pressing concerns, but I respectfully request that my period comes today.

I would be im(mense)ly grateful,

Nicole (counting my Motrin supply)