Can every day mature women become elegant women?

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elegant women

Happy Tuesday!  Today, I am going to return to an old discussion…can every day mature woman become elegant women.

Spring is a time to bloom, so it is a perfect time to return to a discussion I began in 2020.

I believed then that elegance could be cultivated…learned…even later in life.

In this post, I would like to share with you why I discontinued the discussion and why I am returning to it as I once again ask the question….Can every day mature women become elegant women?

Can every day mature women become elegant women?: How it began

elegant women

 Beginning at the end of 2019, many every day mature women were dealing with a pandemic and how their worlds would be affected going forward.

Many, me included, were forced into life changes centered more around home.

I had been pondering elegance for a very long time and how it meshed with the worlds of fashion and style.

I had longed to be an elegant woman most of my life…however, the pandemic highlighted how time was running out.

In fact, it was elegant mature women who had influenced me greatly as a child and young woman.  Observing them had planted a seed in me to grow to become an elegant woman.

So, in 2020, I decided to tackle the subject…can elegance be learned by mature women not born into it and started a series called Cultivating Everyday Elegance.

I enjoyed reading several books for guidance on how elegance is defined and pondered how the everyday mature woman could actually become an elegant woman.

It was a controversial series in the beginning.

Can every day mature women become elegant women?:  Elegance Defined

elegant women

 I read many comments from different women on how they defined an elegant woman:

Elegance is for the wealthy.

Elegance is for the privileged.

Elegance is for the demure.

Elegance is for the thin woman.

Elegance is for those who wear black …or predominantly neutral.

Elegance is for the simple, expensive styles.

Elegance is something inherited.

Elegance is innate…if you don’t have it, you don’t have it.

However, through many comments there was a common thread.  Elegant women are kind, graceful, and giving.

I read and listened and developed my own definition of elegance for the everyday woman:

I believe elegant mature women portray:

Dignity – peaceful strength grounded in wisdom

Grace – unearned, empathic acceptance; loving to everyone; full of kindness

Style – a confident understanding of me and the ways I communicate who I am

Elegance – self-assured poise

Can every day mature women become elegant women?:  Early Discussions

elegant women

 The idea that every day mature women could become elegant women was very popular in the beginning.

I also profiled women I believed to be elegant women.

Some were women who had changed their lives and grown to be elegant women.

However, during this time I began to make changes in my own style that clouded how I saw the posts.

I discovered my true color pallet and it did not include black or white.

Then,  I was counseled by someone I respect that I was a bohemian style and to dress accordingly.

That one really threw me off for a while.  I loved the new colors but wasn’t sure if I was ready to commit to boho.

As the criticisms of the idea that elegance could be learned grew, and my confidence shrunk with new style questions,  I was feeling farther away from being an elegant woman.

I decided to discontinue the series, because I was questioning if it could be learned.

Can every day mature women become elegant women?:  Why return

elegant women

Yes, there were negative comments, however, this comment has always stuck with me.

“I tend to think of elegance as Queenly, having a presence  (that would be confidence) and sophisticated – a bit like women on the old black and white movies like My Man Geoffrey.  They can do anything, never look out of place, and be regal.   They tend to be gentlewomen.  Loving, kind, generous, like Scarlett’s mother going to take care of a sick woman, a woman who’s reputation wasn’t spotless.  Scarlett was pretend elegant — she didn’t get it.  But, Melanie was elegant.  It’s not about wealth.  It is more about presence.  I see it in many of the older women that I come into contact with through church and the town I live in and I hope that I am taking the opportunity to learn from them too.  I, too, miss the blog asking the questions.  I think you are on to something that has been lost, and needs to be reclaimed.”  – Sara Smith

Sara, your words were kept on my desktop and I return to them often and ask…

Was I on to something?

Now, what is different today?   I finally feel like an elegant woman!

I may not be a traditional definition of an elegant woman…but I am feeling different…as if I am much closer to living the elegance I desire as an every day woman.

My inner elegance is coming out in new ways.

First, as I shared with you before, I decided to ditch the idea of dressing boho and return to dressing with my five style adjectives.

My adjectives are creative, polished, approachable, joyful and current.

I desire for each outfit I wear to tell the world I possess these five traits.

The word polished keeps my creative bent in check.

Dressing with these adjectives over- and over -again has re-established my foundation of confidence and chiseled away to discover an elegant woman underneath.

I believe elegant women are confident and strong.

Second, shopping for the wedding has taken me to new places, introduced me to elegant women, and new elegant ways of shopping for styles that still say, ME.

I not only prepared for the wedding but also took my casual style up a notch.

I want to dress now in new ways as a mature woman who works from home.

I think I had begun to buy into the line that mature women go home, put on sweats and retire somewhat from life.  That is lie.

Mature women are active, involved, vibrant, intelligent….elegant women.

Since the new year, I have met many of them and witnessed their kind, graceful spirits.

Third, I have spent time working on our home and feel like it portrays our type of elegance.  I love the space more and more every day. 

Working on it and keeping it lovely (while still on an every day budget) has helped me to feel elegant.  

Can every day mature women become elegant women?:  Action Points

elegant women


 With new confidence, I will tackle this subject occasionally going forward.

I desire to inspire those of you every day mature women who desire to become elegant women.  You may desire to join me in this journey for the legacy I leave my grandchildren.

It is not morbid at all to ponder how we wish to be remembered.

elegant women

The action points for beginning today:

  1. Build your confidence! If you do not have five style adjectives to build a wardrobe around, then select them this week and live by them. Look in the mirror and smile.
  2. Get out of the house. Volunteer, shop, lunch with friends.  Make it a plan to spend more time around other women.  Observe and take mental notes.
  3. Work on your own home until you are confident to host gatherings there…a pot luck salad lunch or brunch is very cost effective and gets women together.
  4. Write your own definition of elegance. (Don’t listen to the old definitions)
  5. Read a book. Here are the ones I recommended in the past.

Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott

Lessons from Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott

At Home with Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott

Parisian Chic by Ines de la Fressange and Sophie Gachet

Parisian Chic Encore

Forever Chic by Tish Jett

Living Forever Chic by Tish Jett

The Essentials of Fabulous by Ellen Lubin Sherman

The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane Von Furstenberg

These are old reads but you will glean something from each one to apply to your life and fill your desire to be a mature, elegant woman.

It is your turn…do you wish to see me return to these discussions of how we can be elegant women? 

Do you have a perception of elegance that prevents others from learning it?

I am here for you.  If the majority does not connect with these discussions, then I will listen.

However, I am still happy to return today to say…I am on a successful path to becoming a mature, elegant woman.  I believe it can be learned.


Pamela Lutrell

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elegant women


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