Still Here, Or, Saturday Morning at 9:55am

I quite like the redwood hue of this shirt (J. Crew), and the coffee-color of the pants (Eileen Fisher) and loafers (Paul Green).

To say nothing of the light as it falls on my old wood floor. But none of that is probably worth a blog post per se.

To be worth posting, I’d want to add a jacket, maybe a scarf.  To be be honest I just haven’t found the perfect brown topper for these warm-toned outfits, and my only possible scarf has black in it too. My color sense abhors a black with brown and that redwood. I can’t say why. All ideas welcome, for both color science and a good jacket. I default to my very old olive-green J. Crew.

The reason I’m here today, on this Saturday morning, is because of the necklace.

That’s a Hello Kitty silhouette, outlined in pavé diamonds, with two tiny pink rubies playing the role of hair bow. I mean, it does kind of match the shirt. It’s a fun shape, with more interest than, say, a pendant or a simple chain. Made of precious materials, but casual enough to stomp around in. Kind of my jam, as I would have said before I was cool i.e. yesterday.

But really, the thing is, my best friend gave me this, she who died of glioblastoma in January of 2021.

One year, for her birthday, I gave her a pair of diamond earrings on a French wire: practical, tasteful, and just luxurious enough for daytime wear. Very High WASP Moves To California;  diamond flower in each ear. She asked me what I’d like, and contrary soul that I am, I picked the above. Hello, Kitty. My friend and I had once taken our young children, in a flock, to the Sanrio store at a mall north of where we lived. Why, I don’t remember. She could make the silliest and most quotidian of afternoons into a festival, complete with memories and hence a keepsake.

Something you keep for the sake, I suppose.

I used to think that people who talked about those they’d lost, year after year, were doing something wrong. Wrong idea. When you love someone, you take them into your life and build yourself to some extent in the reality that they exist. I think they are then with you always. In your fleshl, in your body, your neurons, your endocrine system, they exist.

You may have kept someone with you in an embodied way too. The comments here belong to you.

I don’t show you this necklace because I’m sad, although I do cry sometimes when I least expect it. I show it to you because she’s still here, and how could I be silent about she who is here?

I’m waving at all of you who’ve lost someone, and kept them. And sending everyone best wishes for a wonderful weekend.